I built something that changed my friend group's social fabric

The "Lost Art" of Spontaneous Online Interaction

A significant theme in the discussion is the perceived decline of spontaneous, casual online interaction, contrasting it with the more deliberate and often overwhelming digital landscape of today. Many users reminisce about earlier internet eras when being "online" was a clearer signal of availability for chat, akin to an open door.

"Mildly reminds me how being online on AIM or ICQ was an actual invitation to chat. I had so many interesting conversations with people I barely knew." - donatj
"There's no source of that signal that someone is open to chitchat these days, and it's in my opinion kind of killed what was once great about online communication." - donatj
"The problem is that Discord isn’t e2ee and logs all chats in plaintext for all time, including all DMs. This makes it a nonstarter for me; friends don’t serve as honey in the surveillance trap for communication with their friends." - sneak
"I realized yesterday that I don't use phones like others do. I want to be in airplane mode whenever my phone is locked. Not Do Not Disturb mode. I want my modem off. I don't want any phone calls, ever. I'll get to your messages when my flow state has subsided. But when I unlock the phone, I am expressing 'i'm free. what's up?!'." - gausswho
"I also miss the locality of BBSing back when. With the internet, we tend to segregate based on interest, and you lose the local aspects and actual interaction, get togethers, etc." - tracker1
"I wish discord would just implement this as a setting." - pizzathyme
"Man. Reminds me when many years back I had about 10 friends collaborating on a movie and I needed something between asynchronous and synchronous, so I stripped Wordpress down to just titles and little avatars on a front page feed thing. About 2 years later Twitter came out and I was like 'oh, I guess I was on to something.' :)" - jrm4

The Overwhelm of Modern Communication and the Desire for Control

Many participants express a feeling of being overwhelmed by constant notifications and the pervasive "always-on" nature of the modern internet. This leads to a desire for more control over how and when they receive information, with several users actively curating their notification settings or adopting new habits to reclaim their attention.

"I have multiple friend groups on whatsapp - i just check them once in a while to see if anything interesting was posted. All the chat apps I'm on are muted and the mute is muted again to make sure." - nottorp
"Yes, If you purposely turn off all notifications on your phone, and/or live on DND mode 24/7, you quickly learn to adapt to this world where using the internet is a deliberate action. Sanity sets in: you are deciding when to use your phone or computer, not an algorithm, or other people. You’re back in the driver’s seat, like it’s 2002 again! It’s very freeing." - ryandrake
"It sucks because the social aspect of social media has been bent and twisted into squeezing every bit of money out of it... Companies do anything they can to manipulate users into continual consumption because it generates money for them." - burningChrome
"This is the problem with phone apps. They either spam you with notifications or you forget to open them. Desktop IRC clients were more available for passive checking whenever you glanced at the window, but out of the way otherwise." - BeFlatXIII
"I've culled my notifications substantially and my life is better for it." - gausswho
"The hardest part was convincing people to download the Discord app on their phone as most of us didn't have it downloaded." - billdybas
"I don’t have hearing loss but the best way I’ve found to not miss important notifications is a smart watch. Game changing to ensure my wife and I don’t miss each other’s messages around school pickup or anything else important. With an apple watch you can make the vibration pretty unmissable. We both have almost all other notifications silenced so it’s not overly noisy either." - cogogo

The Appeal of Simple, Focused Tools and Alternative Communication Methods

A counter-trend to the complexity of modern platforms is the appreciation for simpler, more focused tools and methods of communication. This includes a nostalgia for older technologies like IRC and AIM, as well as an interest in DIY solutions and a desire for platforms that prioritize user experience and privacy.

"This was a fun read. Being experienced in various methods of self hosting, it was cool to learn of coolify. Seeing more people get into self hosting always makes me happy." - taraindara
"It's kind of a throwback to the olden days where you might stand up an IRC server or something similar just for your friend group. I like seeing people returning to the small internet where it serves as a substrate for real people doing real things." - deltarholamda
"I'm not sure the tired/overwhelmed hangover effect is necessarily from social media. I like to think most of my time spent on the internet is productive,reading documentation and cs articles/papers for the most part and i still get that hangover feeling." - nvesp
"I always try to solve problems by using what people already have, so I wonder if having another group on Signal, where only “I'm playing!” messages would be allowed, couldn't fix the issue…?" - rpgbr
"I've always thought this way and it’s amazing what applications and problems you can solve or replace with text files (csv, TXT, md), calendars (shared) and email. If I had to estimate, 80-90%?" - Ringz
"I wish discord would just implement this as a setting." - pizzathyme
"I also miss the locality of BBSing back when. With the internet, we tend to segregate based on interest, and you lose the local aspects and actual interaction, get togethers, etc." - tracker1
"I have a similar friend group that hangs out on discord now due to the post college diaspora and we even use a Signal group chat. However, it sounds like it's a smaller group, because we've taken to literally sending bat signal gifs into the chat when someone gets online and it works well enough for us :)" - ZeroCool2u

The Evolution of Online Social Spaces and the "Game" of Connection

The discussion touches on how online social spaces have evolved, with platforms like Discord becoming central hubs for many friend groups, often transcending their initial gaming focus. There's also a recurring theme of finding ways to signal presence and availability in a deliberate manner, mirroring older systems or creating new ones.

"This is really interesting as a way to keep people connected on a regular basis. I wonder if something similar could be done for groups who aren't necessarily into gaming: like say a 'virtual fireplace' where folks could just pop into a call and talk" - aCodeCrafter
"Discord is already like that for a lot of niche communities and fandoms that aren't necessarily gaming; it just all evolved on a gaming-focused platform." - mebizzle
"The "satisfied" part is the most harmful imo. This is what causes lack of actual social interaction and real friendships. Loneliness is on the rise as friendships are on a decline, this is a byproduct of social media gratification" - conductr
"There's a lot of doom and gloom about with the state of tech right now, but this is a good reminder that sometimes even Big Internet tools, with a little ingenuity, can sometimes be repurposed to serve the users and not some corporation's bottom line." - deltarholamda
"I think the 'I am here, now' alert does more than the 'hey who is around?' message." - unethical_ban
"I realized yesterday that I don't use phones like others do. I want to be in airplane mode whenever my phone is locked. Not Do Not Disturb mode. I want my modem off. I don't want any phone calls, ever. I'll get to your messages when my flow state has subsided. But when I unlock the phone, I want the modem to automatically come back on. I am subliminally tapping into the heyday of AIM. I'm expressing 'i'm free. what's up?!'." - gausswho
"The problem is that Discord isn’t e2ee and logs all chats in plaintext for all time, including all DMs." - sneak
"The advantage of the described solution is that actions speak louder than words. It’s easy to say “I’ll jump on” but then you get distracted and then 30 mins later you go online. Similarly to when people say “leaving now” and then they start getting ready to leave. Because we are notified that someone has taken the action of going online they are 100% available to chat or play a game." - dandano

Critiques of Clickbait Titles and Platform Evolution

A recurring minor theme is the title of the original post, with some users expressing annoyance at what they perceive as clickbait, while others defend its effectiveness in drawing attention to a compelling story. There's also commentary on how platforms like Discord have changed over time and what features users miss or wish were included.

"s/something/a Discord bot/ to unclickbait the title.." - Aachen
"genuinely unbelievable that the story is so highly voted with such a vague title" - tetris11
"hn readers aren't usually so easily baited" - tetris11
"normies are online! let them fade, along with the post" - udev4096
"Yes, they absolutely are. HN is not as niche as it used to be, and clickbait works on everyone." - Night_Thastus
"The discord of '22 was, iirc, very different from now, or at least the culture around it. It looks like they just only used it for a single voice chat lobby" - jedimastert
"The Discord of 2020 and before absolutely supported text channels, voice channels, multiple of the above, customizable notifications, and everything required here. Like OP and many others I found myself on a number of Discord servers during the pandemic for voice/video chat, gaming together, etc. and that app was the straightforward solution both for organizing and the actual event for groups of any size from 4-20." - Arainach